Chuck Norris Facts

[spike70]

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

[derlich]

My favorite is: Chuck Norris doesn't use pick-up lines. He simply says, "now".

[spike70]

Type find chuck norris into google

[lineback]

In the arena of useless trivia, my sister was in four episodes of "Walker, Texas Ranger" since she lives in Ft. Worth where it was shot. In addition her husband played a dead body discovered at the start of an episode. Check IMDb for Suzi McLaughlin. She said he was great to work with.

[spike70]

In the arena of useless trivia, my sister was in four episodes of "Walker, Texas Ranger" since she lives in Ft. Worth where it was shot. In addition her husband played a dead body discovered at the start of an episode. Check IMDb for Suzi McLaughlin. She said he was great to work with.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0572436/
beats my resume of two film rolls...both uncredited...one never released

[spike70]

Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

[razorramone]

On a slightly different note... (And no, I've got nothing against Chuck.)

Chuck Norris may kill people, but Tom Selleck has sex with their widows.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist, and behind Tom Selleck's mustache is another penis.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. Fortunately for Tom Selleck, he has no need for horses, or water for that matter, because his Ferarri runs on testosterone.

Tom Selleck uses the discarded satin panties of his conquests as dinner napkins.

The most effective form of birth control for men is not being Tom Selleck.

Columbus discovered America. Thomas Edison invented the lightbulb. Henry Ford popularized the automobile. Tom Selleck forgot to shave.

[lineback]

As I wrote in a different thread, he was badass with that .45-110 Sharps in "Quigley Down Under" and all those shots were believable as that cartridge was good to over 500 yards with that ladder sight. That rifle was used in the late 1800's in thousand-yard shooting at Creedmore. Very badass rifle! And of course that 308 Ferrari was sweet!